Happy 1st Anniversary in Heaven

Today my mom has been away from us for one year. Her absence is still felt. My mom was a queen, strong and dignified, demanding, loving, and tough on us.  In spite of the occasional difficult days, she was my friend, my safety net, my advisor, and definitely my conscience.  She taught me about God.  She always had a strong faith – it never wavered, not even through life’s tragedies.  

She lost her mom to cancer when we were little.   She lost my dad unexpectedly before they even had a chance to enjoy the empty nest.  (Their nest was never empty because we always kept coming back.)  She fought off colon cancer, breast cancer, brain cancer, and skin cancer all without fear, accepting life’s results.  She was never bitter, only tired.  Still, she was unstoppable till the very end.  I can’t say there weren’t difficult moments. My mom was old school and pretty hard on me sometimes, especially when she was in pain, but such is life, and there was plenty of forgiveness all around.

My mom was funny – even in her last days.  She had been telling us all week that she had to go soon, that she didn’t have much time left, that Daddy asked her to come home.  She was in so much pain.  One night, my husband was trying to console her, telling her that it wouldn’t be long, that she would get to go home (to Heaven) soon, when all of a sudden she yelled out, “Well Shit!  Come on then!”  That’s my mom – funny and demanding to the very end.

We are sad when loved ones die, but really they are the lucky ones – they get to live in a world where there is no pain. Maybe we are just sad for ourselves, that we are still stuck in this place full of conflict, or maybe Sheldon Cooper’s string theory is real and we are physically attached to those we love, so it hurts to be pulled apart. The closer we are, the stronger the string, and the more it hurts when that string is broken. Maybe it’s not broken though, maybe it’s just stretched. Only God knows. I just know that I have lost too many in my life and have come way too close to losing others, but I do not grieve as those who have no hope. My hope lies in knowing we will be reunited again someday.

Happy 1st Anniversary in Heaven Mom, and thank you for all you sacrificed for me. Because of you I am strong, I am a child of God, I am fiercely loyal to my family, I am a fighter, and I am a forgiver.  I miss you so much, but I am happy that you are truly free.  God bless you, Mom!  May your memory be eternal.